Cloning Successful

Chinese scientists have not only announced a mass human cloning project, but have just released proof of it's success.

100 healthy clones have been sucessfully bred and matured.

What has been startling to the scientists is that all 100 clones share a common mentality and sense of humor with the DNA donor used to harvest the DNA needed for this process.

I am pleased to announce that I am that donor.

Somewhere in China, there are 100 copies of ME, doing exactly what I would do if you got 100 copies of me together at one time.

http://www.liveleak.com/player.swf" width="450" height="370" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" pluginspage="http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer" flashvars="autostart=false&token=23652059f1" scale="showall" name="index" />

Chinese scientists have not only announced a mass human cloning project, but have just released proof of it's success. 100 healthy clones have been sucessfully bred and matured. What has been startling to the scientists is that all 100 clones share a common mentality and sense of humor with the DNA donor used to harvest the DNA needed for this process. I am pleased to announce that I am that donor. Somewhere in China, there are 100 copies of ME, doing exactly what I would do if you got 100 copies of me together at one time.

I Can't Believe This Is Real... But It Is !!!! GOOGLE IT !!!

Should Illegal Drugs Be Taxed? Tuesday, Jan. 16, 2007 By Clayton Newman Tennessee's Unauthorized Substances Tax requires anyone in possession of a certain quantity of contraband to buy a tax stamp and affix it to the drug. Tennessee Department of Revenue In April of 2005, Jeremy Robbins was arrested attempting to traffic two tons of marijuana from Arizona to East Tennessee. Indicted on federal drug conspiracy charges, Robbins was soon assessed a $1.1 million fine from Tennessee's Department of Revenue. The reason: failure to comply with the state's Unauthorized Substances Tax, which requires anyone in possession of a certain quantity of contraband — in the case of marijuana, more than 42.5 grams — to buy a tax stamp from the state government and affix it on the drug. The so-called "crack tax" applies to controlled substances like marijuana and cocaine, and also illicit alcoholic beverages like moonshine. It allows someone to anonymously purchase stamps in person from the Department of Revenue based on the type and amount of the substance ($3.50 for a gram of marijuana, $50 for a gram of cocaine, etc.) with the understanding that doing so cannot be used against them in a criminal court. Posessing drugs is still illegal — the tax works completely outside the criminal justice system. A stamp cannot provide immunity from criminal prosecution, and a conviction of possession isn't required for the Department of Revenue to assess the penalties. Of the 726 stamps sold so far (some to collectors as novelty items), none have turned up during a seizure. The penalty for not having a stamp can exceed 10 times the original cost — and the Department of Revenue concedes that the tax was instituted with the expectation that most dealers won't buy the stamp. "Dealers can do it either way," says Assistant Commissioner for Operations Sam Chessor. "But in reality, the payoff for us is going to be on the back end, not the front end. " And what a payoff: since the tax was enacted in 2004 it has netted Tennessee $3.5 million in extra revenue, 75% of which goes directly to the enforcement agencies that carry out the drug busts. Still, some opponents argue that adding such steep penalties on top of criminal charges amounts to a second punishment, and thus a violation of double jeopardy law. "Aside from this incredible acrimony and bill-collecting mentality," says Knoxville attorney Gregory P. Isaacs, "you are divested of all your constitutional rights." For that reason, a Davidson County chancellor last summer ruled the tax unconstitutional, and stopped the state from collecting Robbins' $1.1 million. But the Department of Revenue, confident the ruling will be overturned on appeal, is continuing with the assessments. Says Deputy Commissioner Reagan Farr, "It's fine to have a criminal and a regulatory scheme running in tandem. We've made sure our statute is purely regulatory, not punitive." But no matter how you define it, the bottom line for Tennessee is that crime pays.

It's RED !!!!

This just makes you wonder... at what point did this Dad completely lose it as a father?

I gave advice to a friend of mine that was having a problem with her daughter keeping her room like a pig sty and not taking care of the nice things she had.
I told my friend the following.

"When she's at school one day, go into her room and remove EVERYTHING and either store it in the garage or in a small storage unit.
Leave nothing in her room but her bed and 7 suits of clothes (One for each day of the week). Store everything, phone, computer, television, video games, drapes (leave the blinds) dresser, nightstand, etc... Nothing should remain but a bed and 7 suits of clothes.
Keep it this way for a month.
This way, she can learn to appreciate what she has, and get a feel for what it's like for those that aren't as blessed as she.
Explain to her why you've done this, and that she will get her things back in a month.
If, after she gets her frills back, there is not a change in behavior, all the "toys" are gone for good. Then if she wants the better things in life, she can do odd jobs and earn the money to buy them herself."

This worked like a charm.

I think it would have even worked if she had just left everything else where it was in the room and just limited her daughter to 7 suits of clothes. That was what she complained about the most. She whined that it made her look "poor."
I think the message got through.

Carry on.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-0_36mXx-mw

David Paul Derubbio

David Derubbio…. The Joker… The Milk Hound…A Father… A Brother… An Uncle… A Husband… A Son… A Friend.

David P. DeRubbio was born in the Sunset Park section of Brooklyn. He moved to Sunnyside in 1987 and returned to Brooklyn the following year, living in Dyker Heights before settling in Bensonhurst in 1997. He was known as "Crazy Dave" or "Crazy Uncle Dave" to his family.

The fifth of seven children, David, handsome, with bright blue eyes and a hearty laugh, was known as the family cutup. He loved to make people laugh and often made himself the butt of the joke. A Brooklyn firefighter, he was known for doing everything he could to bend the family rule against profanity up to the point of nearly breaking it. To avoid using one profanity at home, David would say, "What the H-E- double hockey sticks is going on?"

He was also a factory of “nicknames”. It seemed his day was not complete unless he was sure that everyone had a nickname. "Dave was an experience," said Angela Tiberi, his younger sister, who had the pleasure of being nicknamed "Witchie Poo"

One of his greatest pleasures was his 12 year old daughter, Jessica, and yes… she had nickname too… David called her Pestica. I was especially touched when I discovered that he had painted a cloud mural on her bedroom ceiling of their Bensonhurst home, just for her… One of many things a father would do for his child, not knowing that such a small gesture of love would be something that would show his daughter how much he loved her later on.

Mr. DeRubbio, 38, was a lot like me, a bit of a milk hound. His mother often joked about buying a family cow just to meet the demand. Myself, I could go through a gallon a day. My wife knows how she feels.

While researching David’s life, I found something that my family can relate to in regards to myself, which brought my heart even closer to David because it began to seem that at every turn, he was a lot like myself. Such as the memory that his sister has about a family get together, when everyone was trying to watch television, David broke into a lounge singer impersonation and belted out a rendition of “Mack the Knife.” “It was so stupid, but it was so funny,” said his sister, Angela Tiberi. He was the one who consumed the room, she said. The one the party couldn't start without. "He was a presence all his own." She said his “bright blue eyes were so full of life and his smile irreplaceable.” His wife, Lorraine, called her husband the funniest person she ever met. “He made me laugh more than anyone,” she said.

To the delight of his friends and family, none of this stopped after David, who, after a series of jobs including a food delivery service and United Parcel Service, followed three of his four brothers into the fire department. David had always wanted to follow in the footsteps of his three firefighter brothers: Dominick, of the 22nd Battalion, West Brighton; Anthony, of Engine Co. 235, Brooklyn; and Robert, of Engine Co. 248, Brooklyn. On Aug. 12, 1998, he realized this ambition when he graduated from the Fire Academy and was assigned to Engine 226, the same company he would return to two years later.

As part of the Fire Department's rotational training program, David was first assigned to Ladder Co. 20 in Manhattan, then Engine Co. 290 in Brooklyn, before returning to Engine 226. "He was a great guy to work with and fun to be around," recalled Mike Mason, a firefighter with Engine 226 who worked with David as a "probie." After their rotation period was over, they were reunited.

Mr. Mason humorously remembers that when he first returned to the company he accidentally injured his ankle while exiting the fire rig. The unit transported Mr. Mason to a local hospital and David carried his red-faced friend into the emergency room, laughing all the while at his predicament. When Mr. Mason was turned away, David lifted his injured friend up again and brought him to another hospital.

At DeRubbio's graduation ceremony, Angela remembered her father, Albert DeRubbio, overhearing a man saying, "Now I have two sons to worry about." DeRubbio responded, "Now I have four."

"It's always in the back of your mind that my brothers have dangerous professions," said Angela. "It's scary, even more so now." Angela said that the close-knit family has pulled even closer together, and don't take each other for granted anymore. There are more kisses and tears to go around. "We say, 'I love you.' We don't leave things unsaid," she said.

David is remembered as a devoted Rangers fan who proudly wore the hockey team's logo on his fire helmet. But his 12-year-old daughter, Jessica, is an avid Islander fan, making for some memorable good-natured clashes between father and daughter. Mrs. DeRubbio warmly recalled that her husband would "suffer" through an Islander game with Jessica so that he, in turn, could take her to a Rangers game to see a "real team" play. His love of hockey was not confined to being a spectator. David also enjoyed hitting the ice with his fire lieutenant, Dan Nelson, at a rink in Long Island, and was a former member of a hockey league based in the Staten Island War Memorial Rink at Clove Lakes Park.

In his leisure time, David enjoyed reading from his collection of Mad magazines and listening to heavy metal music, especially Ozzy Osbourne. And when he wasn't rooting for the Rangers, Yankees or his favorite NASCAR race driver, Bill Elliot, David could be found tinkering around with his car or helping a neighbor. "He would do anything for anybody," said Mrs. DeRubbio. "He was always fixing everybody's cars."

Lorraine “Lori” DeRubbio was introduced to her husband through a high school friend when she was 16 years old. They began dating five years later in June 1988 and were married in February 1989.

On Sept. 11, Mr. DeRubbio kissed his wife goodbye at 7 a.m. as he left home to begin his 12-hour shift with Engine Co. 226, in the Boerum Hill section of Brooklyn.
"See you later," were the last words he would ever say to her. David ‘s unit would cross the Brooklyn Bridge at about 9 a.m. that morning, with a full view of the horror they were about to face at the Twin Towers.

Crazy Uncle Dave is survived by his wife, Lorraine, his daughter, Jessica, his sister, Angela Tiberi, and his brothers, Dominick, Anthony and Robert, surviving are another brother, Albert; his parents, Albert and Marion DeRubbio, and another sister, Mary Lee Ianno, as well as many other extended family members and a multitude of friends.

David was known as a man who wouldn't hesitate to help someone in need. And that selfless nature prevailed the day the World Trade Center was attacked.

Prior to this project, I did not know David. Now, along with his friends, family and hopefully yourself, I will never forget.

Maddam Liberty - Reno Style

I just read my sister's post/response/response-response on her blog ... I don't know why I got the mental image that I did, but I had to go ahead and recreate it below... Like Lady Liberty, when you visit my sister, you can't help but sit back, smile and know that with someone like her watching over our country... All's good. But no matter what, I can't get rid of the creepy feeling I would get if I had to crawl up inside her and pay 50 cents to look out over New York City through a telescope in her head. Especially not after I'd already paid 5 bucks to climb the gym rope when we were halfway to the top... I mean, come on, it was bad enough that the "Rope Climb" was sponsored by Kotex®, but was it really necessary?

How much do you love your Mama?

Four brothers left home for college, and they became successful doctors and lawyers and prospered.

Some years later, they chatted after having dinner together.

They discussed the gifts they were able to give their elderly mother who lived far away in another city.

The first said, "I had a big house built for Mama."
The second said, "I had a hundred thousand dollar theater built in the house."
The third said, "I had my Mercedes dealer deliver an SL600 to her."
The fourth said, "You know how Mama loved reading the Bible and you know she can't read anymore because she can't see very well. I met this preacher who told me about a parrot that can recite the entire bible. It took twenty preachers 12 years to teach him. I had to pledge to contribute $100,000 a year for twenty years to the church, but it was worth it. Mama just has to name the chapter and verse and the parrot will recite it."

The other brothers were impressed.

After the holidays Mom sent out her Thank You notes... She wrote:

"Milton, the house you built is so huge I live in only one room, but I have to clean the whole house. Thanks anyway."

"Marvin, I am too old to travel. I stay home, I have my groceries delivered so I never use the Mercedes. The thought was good. Thanks."

"Michael, you gave me an expensive theater with Dolby sound, it could hold 50 people, but all of my friends are dead, I've lost my hearing and I'm nearly blind. I'll never use it. Thank you for the gesture just the same."

"Dearest Melvin, you were the only son to have the good sense to give a little thought to your gift. The chicken was delicious. Thank you."
Luv ya,Mama

Snausages....

30 Things Never to Say to a Naked Man

1. I've smoked fatter joints than that.
2. Ahhhh, it's cute.
3. Why don't we just cuddle?
4. You know they have surgery to fix that.
5. Make it dance.
6. Can I paint a smiley face on it?
7. Wow, and your feet are so big.
8. It's OK, we'll work around it.
9. Will it squeak if I squeeze it?
10. Oh no... a flash headache.
11. (giggle and point)
12. Can I be honest with you?
13. How sweet, you brought incense.
14. This explains your car.
15. Maybe if we water it, it'll grow.
16. Why is God punishing me?
17. At least this won't take long.
18. I never saw one like that before.
19. But it still works, right?
20. It looks so unused.
21. Maybe it looks better in natural light.
22. Why don't we skip right to the cigarettes?
23. Are you cold?
24. If you get me real drunk first.
25. Is that an optical illusion?
26. What is that?
27. It's a good thing you have so many other talents.
28. Does it come with an air pump?
29. So this is why you're supposed to judge people on personality.
30. I guess this makes me the 'early bird'.

I've Had It... Enter Primal Scream Here !!!!!!!!

Exxon chief made $144,573 per day:
Last Update: 12:07 PM ET Apr 15, 2006

WASHINGTON (MarketWatch) -- Lee Raymond, the chairman and chief executive officer of Exxon Mobil Corp., earned $144,573 for each day of the 13 years he served at the top of the oil company, according to a report in Saturday's New York Times.
Raymond, who retired from Exxon in December, received more than $686 million from 1993 to 2005, according to an analysis done for the paper by an independent compensation consultant.
Raymond received more that $400 million in the final year of his contract.
Shareholder activists, consumer groups and corporate governance experts were taken aback by the details of the package.
Raymond declines to comment for the report.

.

WHAT THE F&%@ ???

I call bullshit on this... my Dad lost everything but his pride when the oil industry went bust and now the rest of the country is just bending over and taking it in the bum... There are salary caps in football to keep the game fair... why are there not salary caps to keep the general public's life fair. Believe me, gas prices affect a hell of a lot more people than football.

Of course, the government wants gas to cost more since the sales tax revenue on gas goes up. I agree with Malinda777. WE THE PEOPLE NEED TO STAND UP AND LET THE MAJORITY RULE !!!!!! The minority can kiss my a$$ because this is a land where the Majority is supposed to call the shots. And it does when it suits the needs of the politicians, such as elections... then a small minority starts to complain... i.e. prayer in schools, immigration, the right to eat a BLT without the "T"... and the minority gets the privelege.

MAJORITY RULES... MINORITY ADJUSTS !!!!

You drain the economy of my government for free health care and education... Go back home... are you too good for your home? If you want to come to America there are a number of ways to do it legally. That is what our country was based on... so get used to it !!!!! If you don't like it, GO HOME. I didn't ask you to come here and You march and hold signs that say that you are not a criminal...

IF YOU BREAK THE LAW... YOU
ARE A CRIMINAL !!!

You immigrate illegally and you take food out of my child's mouth, medicine out of his body... if you don't like it where you are, change it... but don't expect me to subsidize you. Be a man and provide for your family without breaking the law... otherwise, I have no problem paying the gas on an un-airconditioned bus to send you back home. Want it - work for it - Don't steal it.

WHY ARE WE NOT MARCHING !!!!!

I am sick and tired of hearing of the marches in every major city in the United States having immigrants gather in the 10's to 500,000 in attendance. Why are we not marching to support the law? Do those of us that are law abiding citizens just not care as much as they do??? Why are we not marching??? I agree that every illegal immigrant and anyone that supports them should be deported or penalized, whichever applies. Why are we not marching??? If this legislation does not pass, it will be a green light for illegals to come on over, there's nothing we'll do to stop them. Why are we not marching??? Many jobs that used to be profitable trades, have become near minimum wage due to illegal immigrants working for less. Why are we not marching??? Jobs such as machinists, carpenters and aircraft maintenance - YES, the people that bang around on your precious 747 that takes you from point A to point B in your busy day is maintained by many illegals. Are you thinking of marching now???

The other side needs to be heard... We need to stand up for our country and say that we will not support you any longer. You will not be a drain on our economy and government. You will not come here and take jobs out of our citizens hands. As a matter of fact, I can almost guarantee you that the ones marching aren't even the ones that have come and taken these jobs... why? They didn't have time because they have a J-O-B. So that goes to show how many immigrants we have that are such a huge drain on our economy... In California, 1/2 million people without jobs got together for a huge welfare party.

You are welcome to come in a legal manner, but do it right. If you do it wrong, it is Illegal, illegal, illegal. You are a criminal the moment you cross that border, and I have no problem treating you as one once you do.

WHY ARE WE NOT MARCHING !!!!!

Let's organize and do this already... pass this link on to everyone you know and make this the forum to get things done. Let our voice be heard !!!!!!!!!

Kids Catch The Darndest Things

The 7 year old has come down with his first whammy of an illness. He has been coughing deeply, running a 102 degree fever and has a dischrage from his eyes. We took him to the doctor and come to find out, He has an upper respiratory infection, a sinus infection, possible pink eye and a mild form of Daddyspendstoomuchtimeonthecomputeritis... a potentially incurable ailment.

I am going to have to say that his illness was probably caused from the extensive mental stress that he went through when someone asked him where a rainbow came from. Mental stress has often been linked to a direct cause for physical stress that greatly reduces the capabilities of the body's immune system. So whoever it was that asked the rainbow question... you'll be happy to know that when you don't have medical insurance a doctor's visit costs $70 while the prescription costs $45. Now there are only 34 cents left in the leprechaun's pot of gold. Talk about a cheap leprechaun !!!!!

We interupt this blog for breaking news....

The popular labor union known as ALLGOLD (American Leprechaun Labor Guild Of Lost Doubloons) has created an account to offset the cost of The 7 Year Old's medical costs after the parents petitioned the Union for lack of sufficient funds in the "Pot O' Gold" insurance policy that was purchased after the last rainbow appearance in East Texas. If you wish to contribute to the account, please click on the "Donate Now" button below.
We now return you to your regular scheduled Blog...

I have no idea what that was...

but mine is not to reason why, mine is but to do or die. P.S. The new format (until he gets well) is to ask a very sick little boy a question that will probably be answered in a drug induced state... but it's just antibiotics, so don't get any bright ideas.

Kids Say The Darndest Things II

What is a rainbow?

A rainbow is one of those curved over things with colors.

where do you think they come from?

Rainbows come from leprechauns and their pot of gold, but sometimes they come from the future.

Kids Say The Darndest Things

Ok... I admit... My blog has become somewhat of a diary of someone with ADHD... Don't knock it, I just have alot going on and it takes real dedication to do a daily blog. Problem is, it takes more dedication to keep the wife satisfied, and in reality... she's a lot more complicated and I use more energy doing her than I do doing blogs.

But now I have come up with an idea... My 7 year old helped... He commented to me tonight that our female "outdoor" cat will have kittens someday. I asked him why he thought that and he responded "Because she's a girl cat... she's going to be a mama some day. " I asked him why girls have babies and he said "Daddy...... Girls don't have babies.... women have babies."

I asked him why women have babies and men don't. His simple answer.... "Men aren't women."

That has inspired me.... so now I task you.... Ask my 7 year old a question... I will pose it to him in a fatherly fashion... meaning that I won't censor your question at all other than to simplify it to a 7 year old level or sanitize it of impurities that a 7 year old should not be exposed to. I will post the question as asked and then post the question as I re-phrased it to him (if need be) and then post his answer.

I think this will be a great keepsake for him and be humorous for you.

What are you waiting for... ask a 7 year old a question.

I will post these answers within 1 day of when you present a question.

OK... I'll take the challenge.

Since Malinda777 was so gracious to participate in the meme garbage... I am my sissies bubba... and will always aspire to be as good as she is... that said..... here are my meme's

4 Things I Do Every morning
1. shower
2. watch news
3. Iron shirt
4. have cigarette

4 Things That Turn Me Off
1. someone that is shy
2. someone that is obnoxious.
3. pride
4. prejudice

4 Things I Am Afraid Of
1. Spider webs - Not spiders
2. Hights... can't stand high altitudes.
3. Critics
4. Not Being in control of "the" situation.

4 Things I Do Everyday
1. Shit, Shower & Shave... That would be one.
2. Tell my wife I love her.
3. Kiss my wife before I go to work.
4. Hug my sons.

4 Things I Want To Have or Do
1. A yacht.
2. A Daughter.
3. A successful career
4. A family plantation.

4 People I Want To See
1. Robin Williams
2. George Carlin
3. Johnny Carson
4. Andy Kaufman

4 Favorite Colors
1. Blue
2. Green
3. Yellow
4. Black

It's your first time.
As you lie back your muscles tighten.
You put him off for a while searching for an excuse,
but he refuses to be swayed as he approaches you.
He asks if you're afraid and you shake your head bravely.
He has had more experience,
but it's the first time his finger has found the right place.
He probes deeply and you shiver; your body tenses;
but he's gentle like he promised he'd be.
He looks deeply within your eyes and tells you to trust him -
he's done this many times before.
His cool smile relaxes you a
nd you open wider to give him more room for an easy entrance.
You begin to plead and beg him to hurry, but he slowly takes his time,
wanting to cause you as little pain as possible.
As he presses closer, going deeper,
you feel the tissue give way;
pain surges throughout your body
and you feel the slight trickle of blood as he continues.
He looks at you concerned and asks you if it's too painful.
Your eyes are filled with tears
but you shake your head and nod for him to go on.
He begins going in and out with skill
but you are now too numb to feel him within you.
After a few moments,
you feel something bursting within you
and he pulls it out of you, you lay panting,
glad to have it over.
He looks at you and smiling warmly,
tells you, with a chuckle;
that you have been his most stubborn
yet most rewarding experience.
You smile and thank your dentist.
After all, it was your first time to have a tooth pulled.

Weeble Wobbles

I ran into an issue today that made me think (once again) that I am an over protective parent. I have a special needs child that, upon birth, was deathly allergic to milk and soy products. He was our first and he was born two months early which meant that mom's breasts had not yet prepared for breast feeding, though we tried every method possible to stimulate production. We tried manual pumps, vacuum pumps, the daddy pump and the Rainbow Water Filter Vacuum cleaner that always produced great suction on a water bong and was the equivalent of a Marijuana CPAP respirator machine. Not true, but funny as hell if you think about it. If you have ever had a child, you know that the only formulas that are available, if you can't breast feed, are milk based or soy based. The only option we had for a formula for an infant was Neocate. A Product based in Australia that costs $128 for 4 - 14 oz containers. You think formula is expensive... try feeding your kid liquid gold.

After a couple of accidents as a toddler where he go hold of his younger brother's sippy cup of milk when we weren't watching, and mad rushes by ambulance to the ER... he finally outgrew this disorder and now can handle milk and soy. But now he has developed epilepsy, with several attacks a week and as much as several attacks a day that make us nervous if he ever gets a strange look in his eyes.

It is because of my first child's challenges that I have become an overbearing parent that strictly restricts both of my boys activities to mild play... though they rarely subscribe to my theory. We recently found out that my oldest has a large gap in his upper spinal discs that could cause permanent paralysis if he were to be involved in a contact sport impact. This is due to the fact that he was born two months premature and this portion of the spinal column did not completely develop. So rough play is discouraged yet once again.... rarely followed.

I said all that to say this... and I'm not sure why... I forbid toy guns in my home and, though I was raised with a serious respect for firearms, do not own a gun. I will however gladly accept my dad's cache of firearms that he owns as my inheritance since there is so much history involved with them. This includes hunting trips and even the gun he gave me when I was 13 years old... our toughest year after the oil bust. We had no money and the only thing my father could think to give me was the gun that was mentioned in Malind777's blog. This meant so very much to me, but was quickly yanked back when I showed irresponsible behavior in the use of the same gun. To this day, I believe that my dad did the right thing. He doesn't know how close I came to death myself from such behavior, but when he did see a clue to poor gunmanship, he took the .22 rifle and removed the bolt. That rendered the gun useless and to this day, it resides in his gun cache 20 years later.

I started this entire rant to announce that I have realized that I am an overprotective parent that has restricted many of my children’s activities to "safe play" I have so sterilized my home from anything that can hurt my oldest son to the point that balls or anything round that can be stepped on and cause a fall has not been allowed. But today I introduced Weeble Wobbles. The boys looked at them like they were alien beings and asked me what they do. They don't have buttons that make them make noise or zoom off in a cloud of smoke like some of their electronic remote control cars do. They were just simple Weeble Wobbles... They weeble and they wobble but they don't fall down... NOW... all this was said to say this....

Imagine the picture when the boys ask what they do and you respond in this manner...

"It's a game... you both try to knock over your Weeble Wobble... if you're the first one to knock over your Weeble Wobble and it stays knocked over... You WIN....

Two hours later, my wife and I had a cigarette... proud of the fact that we had the best "un-interrupted" sex in a long time.

Weeble Wobbles... They Weeble and they Wobble... and Mama's always happy.

Cheney's Got A Gun

Let me say that I have heard just about enough about Cheney, Whittington and his bad case of chicken pox and the press' tabloid like way of blowing this whole situation out of proportion. The state of Texas had 30 "reported" hunting accidents last year and 2 hunting accident related deaths. I did not know this until about 5 minutes ago when I decided to Google it. I didn't know of even one hunting accident in the state of Texas. I was sure they had happened, it is always just a matter of time before someone gets hurt with a bunch of guys running around with guns. There's always going to be one numb skull that doesn't quite comprehend the meaning of "cross fire". But now some VP that is even more forgettable than Vice President Walter Mondale is being drug though the mud as if he had stalked Whittington down and shot him point blank with intent. This is as criminal as the time when you turned a corner in a hall somewhere and collided with the other unlucky soul that was around that corner coming your direction. It was an accident. The VP did exactly what you and I would have done. He and his buddy's picked the guy up and took him to the Hospital. He wasn't whisked away in a black helicopter to some super secret facility in Area 51. If this had happened to you, would it even cross your mind to hurry up and put together a press conference to announce what had happened. NO ! In fact, if some suggested it, you'd look at them like they were crazy and ask them "Who would care?"

I agree, he is the VP and resides currently under Spotlight 1, but having been someone in the spotlight for much of my life, I know more than some may realize how he is just a normal guy. He pours his Wheaties out of the same box we do, he bangs his head on cabinet doors that have been left open and yes, somewhere out there is someone that is going to scream if they have to wash another pair of his underwear that has skidmarks.

That's all I have to say about that. I wasn't even going to say that much, but I heard this Parody this morning on the radio and just had to laugh until I cried.

"Cheney's Got A Gun" (new Aerosmith remake)


Cheney's Got A Gun
His whole world's come undone
He was lookin' straight at the sun
What did that lawyer do
What did he put you through

Cheney's Got A Gun
Cheney's Got A Gun
long media day's just begun
Now Rita Cosby is on the run
Tell me now it's untrue
What did that geezer do

He shot a little bitty quail
The man has got to be insane
They say the spell that he was under
The Rove and the thunder
Knew that someone had to stop the rain

Run away, run away from the pain Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
Run away, run away from the pain Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
Run away, run away, run, run away

Cheney's Got A Gun
Cheney's Got A Gun
his dog day's just begun
Now the press is on the run
What did that lawyer do
It's Halliburton's last I.O.U.

He had to take him down easy
And put a pellet in his face
He said 'cause nobody believes me
The man was such a geezer
He ain't never gonna be the same

Run away, run away from the pain Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
Run away, run away, run, run away Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
Run away, run away, run, run away

Cheney's Got A Gun
Cheney's Got A Gun
Cheney's Got A Gun
Everybody better run

Cheney's Got A Gun
his SNL skit has just begun
Now everybody's on the run (Honey, honey what's your problem)
'Cause Cheney'sGot A Gun (Tell me it ain't right)
Cheney's Got A Gun (Was it Rove just robbin')
his dog day's just begun (That made you scream at night)

Cheney's Got A Gun
the slow news day's just begun
Now everybody's on the run
Cheney's Got A Gun

Today's News In Your Nut Shell

(Gulf News)
Who wants to rent a "Sex Doll"

(Some Guy)
Top 30 mistakes made by new Mac users (with cliche goodness)

(Gainesville Sun)
Mohammed cartoon controversy finally silly enough to warrant "Florida" tag

(Some Guy)
Delta Airlines subliminally giving your kids a bit of teh ghey

(TSN.ca)
Reports surfacing that Wayne Gretzky had prior knowledge of illegal gambling ring. Canada declares state of emergency

(LGN)
Theme: AudioEdit a high school speech gone wrong

(WFTV)
Man who went wild on "Girls Gone Wild" creator given 11 years in prison

(Bozeman Chronicle)
Today's "U.S. senator edits his Wikipedia entry to delete reference to Arabs as 'ragheads'" story brought to you by Montana's Conrad Burns

(Daily Record)
Scotland announces a sword-dropoff amnesty program. Highlander and Kurgan get ready for the ultimate slap-fight

(Staffordshire Sentinel)
"Your garden looks great." "Thanks. The octopus are coming in especially nice this year"

(Hindustan Times)
Moby is mad that Bush is cutting education spending, and you might be mad too, but you're not getting in a paper because you're not famous

(National Journal)
National Journal: Cheney authorized Plame leak. Cheney: Go f*ck yourself

(NewsWatch50)
Japan marketing whale-blubber burgers to schoolkids

(Theory of People)
"Not safe for work" Fark photoshop by Farker Modified_Dangler shows up in Vancouver Province newspaper

(Boston Herald)
Neil Entwistle, who fled the U.S. after his web porn fraud empire came crashing down and his family was shot to death, has been arrested in England for murder. (Note: Victim was attractive, young, white, suburban woman)

(AL.com)
When you see a headline like "Retarded man can't ride moped again," you have this desire to find out why

(Green Discharge)
Fark Atlanta Party: Just under two months away. It's a biggun. DIT

(Courier Journal)
Louisville to add a skyscraper with a design apparently inspired by the arcologies from SimCity 2000

(ctv.ca)
Terri Hatcher wows Grammy crowd with sheer dress. Article contains absolutely no pics, nor links to pics

(West Press)
Terry Pratchett's "Hogfather" to be adapted for TV. HO. HO. HO

(KLFY)
Former FEMA head Michael Brown will tell all about the times he talked to Bush after Katrina, unless the White House gives him one biiiiiilllion dollars

(Some Guy)
In the same vein as the Hampster Dance and the Jesus Dance, here comes the Mohammed Dance

(Jackson News-Tribune)
Woman in Oregon, stuck with her two dogs but no car, decides to walk home. To Texas

(KVBC)
News article: "Could marijuana be legalized in Nevada?" Federal law: "No"

(Some Rube)
Paintings made by dude flinging paint may have been made by impostor paint-flinger

(Egotastic!)
Cover charge for the club: $10. Tips for the stripper: $50. Dannii Minogue's lesbian lapdance: Priceless. (Not safe for work)

(KOTV)
Stolen A.L. Championship ring recovered after seven years, thanks to dumbass and Ebay

(WGRZ)
Man gets attacked by pet fish. Paramedics find victim floundering on floor

(WND)
Woman gets naked and paints herself like a tiger to protest the circus. Onlookers don't know or care why she is protesting, just happy for the boobies (safe for work)

(Action news)
No one ever expects to be attacked with a dead raccoonsicle, especially in Florida (with video)

(KMBC)
News anchor is smart enough to not give his credit card information to scam artists who couldn't spell "possible" or "fraud"

(Some Guy)
Your favourite cartoon characters stripped down literally to their bare bones. Unusual idea, fascinating results (safe for work)

(Billboard)
Barry Manilow tops Billboard chart. Four Horsemen seen riding toward the copacabana

(Some God-Banger)
Theme: Differing religions settling their differences like street gangs

Posting this from my blackberry from my hospital bed... Spousal Abuse...

How To Be A Good Wife

Feel free to leave your comments... I WILL post them later.

Have dinner ready. Plan ahead, even the night before, to have a delicious meal ready on time for his return. This is a way of letting him know that you have been thinking about him and are concerned about his needs. Most men are hungry when they get home and the prospect of a good meal is part of the warm welcome needed.

Prepare yourself. Take 15 minutes to rest so you'll be refreshed when he arrives. Touch up your make-up, put a ribbon in your hair and be fresh-looking. He has just been with a lot of work-weary people.

Be a little gay and a little more interesting for him. His boring day may need a lift and one of your duties is to provide it.

Clear away the clutter. Make one last trip through the main part of the house just before your husband arrives. Run a dustcloth over the tables.

During the cooler months of the year you should prepare and light a fire for him to unwind by. Your husband will feel he has reached a haven of rest and order, and it will give you a lift too. After all, catering to his comfort will provide you with immense personal satisfaction.

Minimize all noise. At the time of his arrival, eliminate all noise of the washer, dryer or vacuum. Encourage the children to be quiet.

Be happy to see him.

Greet him with a warm smile and show sincerity in your desire to please him.
Listen to him. You may have a dozen important things to tell him, but the moment of his arrival is not the time. Let him talk first - remember, his topics of conversation are more important than yours.

Don't greet him with complaints and problems.

Don't complain if he's late for dinner or even if he stays out all night. Count this as minor compared to what he might have gone through at work.

Make him comfortable. Have him lean back in a comfortable chair or lie him down in the bedroom. Have a cool or warm drink ready for him.

Arrange his pillow and offer to take off his shoes. Speak in a low, soothing and pleasant voice.
Don't ask him questions about his actions or question his judgment or integrity. Remember, he is the master of the house and as such will always exercise his will with fairness and truthfulness. You have no right to question him.

A good wife always knows her place.

The nurse says that I can use the morphine pump whenever I want for the pain.

The cops say I can't go back to the house because of something called a "Straining Order".... I don't even like spaghetti !!!!

The lawyer says that I am going to have to get used to the idea of living in an apartment since she'll probably get the house.

My buddy that sent me "The Rules" just sent me an email telling me how stupid I was to let the woman in on our "lil joke"

And the voices in my head are speaking up again, but like I've said... the speak spanish... and I don't.

OK.. a little morphine... and i shuld be ok... it rilly helpz wit thi pane an i rully donioon car bout ol tttthhhiizz... jfd jsjet as-r5m.,,.defl;ajgvamx

Helping The Aging Housewife

It is important for men to remember that, as women grow older, it becomes harder for them to maintain the same quality of housekeeping as when they were younger. When you notice this, try not to yell at them. Some are oversensitive, and there's nothing worse than an oversensitive woman.

Let me relate how I handled the situation with my wife. When I took "early retirement" last year, it became necessary for her to get a full-time job, both for extra income and for the health benefits that we needed. Shortly after she started working, I noticed she was beginning to show her age.

I usually get home from the golf course about the same time she gets home from work. Although she knows how hungry I am, she almost always says she has to rest for half an hour or so before she starts dinner. I don't yell at her. Instead, I tell her to take her time and just wake me when she gets dinner on the table. I generally have lunch in the Men's Grill at the club so eating out is not reasonable. I'm ready for some home cooked grub when I hit that door.

She used to do the dishes as soon as we finished eating. But now it's not unusual for them to sit on the table for several hours after dinner. I do what I can by diplomatically reminding her several times each evening that they won't clean themselves. I know she really appreciates this, as it does seem to motivate her to get them done before she goes to bed.

Another symptom of aging is complaining, I think. For example she will say that it is difficult for her to find timeto pay the monthly bills during her lunch hour. But, boys, we take 'em for better or worse, so I just smile and offer encouragement. I tell her to stretch it out over two or even three days. That way she won't have to rush so much. I also remind her that missing lunch completely now and then wouldn't hurt her any (if you know what I mean). I like to think tact is one of my strong points.

When doing simple jobs, she seems to think she needs more rest periods. She had to take a break when shewas only half finished mowing the yard. I try not to make a scene. I'm a fair man. I tell her to fix herself a nice, big, cold glass of freshly squeezed lemonade and just sit for a while. And, as long as she is making one for herself, she may as well make one for me too.

I know that I probably look like a saint in the way I support her. I'm not saying that showing this much consideration is easy. Many men will find it difficult. Some will find it impossible! Nobody knows better than I do how frustrating women get as they get older. However, guys, even if you just use a little more tact and less criticism of your aging wife because of this article, I will consider that writing it was well worthwhile. After all, we are put onthis earth to help each other.....